Single On Purpose

 

by Tiffany Joy Mansfield

Being Single 

If you feel you are the only one in the world who is single, you’re very much not. According to Census.gov, in 2016 there were 110.6 million people who had never been married, widowed, or divorced. This is 45.2% of all U.S. residents age 18 and older. 53.2% were women and 46.8% were men.

“Women who are scared of being single tend to be more dependent upon unhappy romantic relationships as compared to women who are okay with the idea of being single.”

So are you single never having been in a relationship, single after a breakup, or single on purpose? Regardless of the reason, there are numerous advantages and benefits living the single life.

What do you think about these perks?

  • The freedom to reflect on the purpose of life without needing to check in with anyone
  • Choosing to hang out with a variety of people depending on your current mood and what you need from a relationship right then
  • Observing more how people function in the world whether they are single or coupled
  • Not feeling like you have let someone down when making mistakes
  • Really getting clear on what you want in life
  • Focusing on family or other close relationships that could have become less important over the years while focusing on the relationship you were in
  • Reaching out to others who may be lonely
  • Consistently working on being someone you want to be. You could ask this question: Would I date myself?

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Don’t Believe Everything You Think

Nicole Baikie from Your Tango makes a bold statement: “If you are uncomfortable spending time alone with yourself, what makes you think anyone else will feel comfortable spending time with you?” I don’t think this is meant to make you feel bad about yourself. It’s something to be celebrated because now you get to do the important work of feeling comfortable with yourself. It starts with spending time with yourself. If that feels overwhelming, just remember to take one step at a time, and find joy in this process. It’s hard to feel joy when something feels uncomfortable, but be assured it gets better. If you choose to be in a relationship later, it will be more healthy.

A scholar-published study did research on settling for less out of fear of being single. They found that “women who are scared of being single tend to be more dependent upon unhappy romantic relationships as compared to women who are okay with the idea of being single.” It may take more time to get over the fear of being single and find peace within yourself. It is a much better option than jumping into something just so you don’t experience loneliness. That’s not fair to you, or to them.

Fun Fact: Migrating Ruby-Throated Hummingbirds are solo fliers. They do not fly in a flock like ducks or geese. Scientists say that they are better off as solo fliers because they are small birds and it is hard for predators to see them when they travel alone.

Be With Someone Who Makes You Happy

According to S.J. Scott from Developing Good Habits,  “Others can provide support and enjoyment, but your happiness will always come from within. Remember, at this point in your life, you are alone so you are able to create something meaningful. Spend as much time as you like doing what you love to do.”

Fears about being on your own can be put to rest after experiencing an authentic, honest relationship with yourself. You might be amazed at how peaceful and fulfilling it is to really get to know who you are inside, and how you function in this world. Your life can be rich as you create a safe place for yourself. Here at Simple Modern, we work with individuals who are single, and coupled. We would love to provide you with all the necessary life skills to live happy and single on purpose.

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