Accepting Influence: The Secret of a Successful Relationship

The Gender Gap

Accepting influence is harder for men.

Research shows that a majority of women—even in unhappy relationships—do accept influence.

It doesn’t mean of course women are always agreeable or make fewer mistakes. But it does mean they let their men influence their decision making and that they do take their men’s opinions and feelings into account.

It also seems that it’s mostly and heterosexual men’s issue. Heterosexual men are indeed the very worst at accepting influence.
Research shows that that same-sex couples, including gays, are far better at sharing power and influence.

Influence and Conflict Resolution

There’s a strong correlation between accepting influence and the ability to tackle issues successfully. Indeed The Four Horsemen of criticism, contempt, stonewalling and, most of all, defensiveness, are often the sign that a partner is resisting influence. And it’s not a coincidence that 65% of men increase negativity during an argument. It’s because they are resisting influence with a barrage of counterattacks instead.

What Accepting Influence Does

Contrary to what some might think, accepting your partner’s influence is the best way to acquire more respect, power and influence.Cialdini, in his seminal Influence, shows that even in business negotiations, giving and compromising on something is a great indicator of successful negotiation outcomes.

Women are also more likely to be kinder during confrontations when their partners accept their influence.

How to Accept Influence: Mental Shift

There is a very, very simple way to fix all influence-related issues in a relationship.

It requires a shift in the way people see the world. It’s about going from a zero-sum game of win or lose and “I” VS “her” to an “us”.

It’s about deciding together, finding compromises both are happy with and respecting our partner. We should want our partner to be happy and to participate in the decision. Anything else is relationship-deranged thinking.

Examples of Accepting Influence

And here are a few ways of dealing with relationship power struggles:

#1. Refusal of Influence

Look at this example.

Grant Cardone utterly refuses her influence on the topic. And goes even one step beyond when he recruits the help of the people in the audience to isolate her.
Simply terrible.

#2. Fake Acceptance of Influence

The Godfather when Kay is leaving alternates from a fake acceptance of influence to outright refusal.

Fake Acceptance
When he says “I will change Kay” he is giving her a front about changing. But it doesn’t sound sincere.

He doesn’t take the time to listen to her, doesn’t take the time understand her, which would show that he cares.
It’s no coincidence that when he says: “I know how you felt” he actually totally misses the point.

Refusal of Influence
When he tells her the discussion is over, that’s an obvious refusal of influence.

People Who Refuse Influence

Some people have a domineering, bossy tendency. These people, who often are power-hungry individuals, have difficulty in accepting influence.

And these are exactly the people who need to work the hardest on themselves and on their relationships. There’s a different, more problematic breed of people who refuse influence though. These are what we call “power addicts”. For power addicts it’s almost impossible to share power and accept influence.

In a nutshell, it’s hard to even get these people to change because they see changing/not changing as another power struggle they need to win (instead of a step towards a better life and relationship).

Summary

Accepting your partner’s influence, deciding together and caring about what she thinks is really one of the best things you can do in your relationship.

And it’s exactly what high quality men, relationship leaders do. It’s one of the pillars upon which any healthy relationship rest.
I think the following quote will perfectly summarize this article:

Accepting your partner influence communicates you care and respect her. And it means being in it together, as an us instead of I.

[Source: https://thepowermoves.com/accepting-influence/ ]